My first year of being a mama was enlightening. I felt like I finally had a purpose and something worthwhile to put my energy into. I also had a little adventure buddy that was so fun to spend time with! I spent most of my time alone with my little man, going on walks, long drives, checking out local places like orchards, farms, and parks, and of course walking around Target. At this point, I had finally made some good like-minded friends in the area, so I had a playdate and time with other mamas usually at least once a week. My husband was juggling a gazillion things, so I did my best to stay busy and keep the little guy happy and healthy each day.
Finally I could just put my focus and energy into my family, which now included a beautiful, healthy baby boy, a teenage step-daughter, a husband who worked at even more businesses than he did when this story all started, a bratty and jealous maltipoo, and four indoor orange cats. My life was still a complete circus, but this is when I started setting boundaries, making positive changes, and figuring out what was most important to me.
So here I am, a year and a half into my marriage, struggling with just about every aspect of my life, and now I’m grieving the loss of my pregnancy, worried that I might never have the chance to have a baby. We moved into a new home at this time, too, that was crazy expensive and equally awesome. It was my dream home. We stopped at nothing to get it (though it added tons of financial stress to our family), because we planned to fill that ginormous home (I call it my castle) with many children! I was never going to give up on this dream: the big, beautiful home or the big family.