The more I simplify and get rid of everything weighing me down, the more I realize that I’m getting back to my true self. I’m not just shedding extra clothes and shoes and useless gadgets; I’m also shedding years of habits and thoughts that I had adopted as my own that were not serving me in the slightest. Slowly but surely, I’m letting go of my hate for my body, of feeling like everything has to be perfect, including myself, and I’m saying goodbye to the insecure, beaten down, sad and lonely version of myself that has existed for far too long.
I remember that as I was preparing to make my exit from my life in San Diego, I didn’t want to take much with me. I shipped boxes of clothes, shoes, and important items ahead of me and packed everything else into my tiny car. I was totally fine with leaving the rest. It’s surprising how much you can fit into a VW Beetle convertible! Leaving a bunch of stuff was just another chance I had to lift some major weight off my shoulders.
Realizing I craved authenticity more than anything else, I continued my journey Eastward, and stopped to visit another dear friend. This one is my practical friend – the one who tells me like it is, and helps me see things from an entirely different perspective. But most importantly, she listened as I worked through everything I had just gone through out loud. I ended up staying a few days, soaking up the practical advice in a safe environment, enjoying the intelligent conversations. I started feeling myself light enough to be inspired to play a little music again. Something that I would later recognize as a huge red flag! If you’re not doing something that you love and that makes you “you”, take inventory of your life and your feelings and make sure you’re ok!
It occurred to me recently that most of my focus these past few years has been on getting rid of things that don’t serve me, and putting my energy into what lights me up. It seems so simple, but we are influenced greatly by our partners, families, employers, friends, neighbors, social media… everyone shows us the way we’re “supposed” to be, so it’s no surprise that many of us get lost along the way! As I work to uncover the real me and prioritize the things that mean the most to me, I am finding myself healing from past experiences that have carved my path. I finally feel ready to address and share some of those things. As I work through these traumas (and move past them), I am fully embracing the me that I love and everything that represents who God made me to be authentically.